The 'Possum BlogPossum stuff...
Let's talk some about 'possums - shall we? I mean you people know me - I'm the magical "Blogging 'Possum" - but what do you REALLY know about 'possums?
Let me guess - you humans know JACK SHIT about us - about the only thing you DO know is we're fun to run over on I-95 - RIGHT?? Admit it will you and I'll have just a LITTLE bit more respect for you humans (but NOT MUCH) You like running over us poor bastards 'cause we're not as messy or as big as dogs, and when your tires go over us it makes a soft, almost pleasing "thud" sound. RIGHT!? You sick bastards!
What do we eat? Any clue?
We eat about ANYTHING - we eat bugs, mice, rats, slugs, worms, cat and dog food, YOUR food, berries - anything! (That's called "omnivorous" dumb hick human)
So there - you learned something today - now learn THIS!:
Last night on I-95:
Susan Logglestone - DEAD - run over by what looks like a 80's model VW of some sort. Susan lived over by my Aunt and I'd see Susan out in her yard tending the chores. She always made sure to bend over at JUST the right time when I was walking by - which always led me to believe Susan Logglestone may have wanted me in some way? Anyway she's DEAD now so never mind.
Rip AND Carl Thundersnap - yep - BOTH of them dead. Off exit 397 on I-95 their bodies were discovered this morning. I never cared for either of these guys personally - so good riddance. They were both bullies.
2 Unidentified - one male and one female - both run over by what looks to be the same car - were they lovers? Holding hands perhaps while they dashed across I-95? We may never know - but the girl has one hell of an ass on her and I swear I can almost make out a faint smile on the face of the guy 'possum! I'm serious!
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Let me guess - you humans know JACK SHIT about us - about the only thing you DO know is we're fun to run over on I-95 - RIGHT?? Admit it will you and I'll have just a LITTLE bit more respect for you humans (but NOT MUCH) You like running over us poor bastards 'cause we're not as messy or as big as dogs, and when your tires go over us it makes a soft, almost pleasing "thud" sound. RIGHT!? You sick bastards!
What do we eat? Any clue?
We eat about ANYTHING - we eat bugs, mice, rats, slugs, worms, cat and dog food, YOUR food, berries - anything! (That's called "omnivorous" dumb hick human)
So there - you learned something today - now learn THIS!:
Last night on I-95:
Susan Logglestone - DEAD - run over by what looks like a 80's model VW of some sort. Susan lived over by my Aunt and I'd see Susan out in her yard tending the chores. She always made sure to bend over at JUST the right time when I was walking by - which always led me to believe Susan Logglestone may have wanted me in some way? Anyway she's DEAD now so never mind.
Rip AND Carl Thundersnap - yep - BOTH of them dead. Off exit 397 on I-95 their bodies were discovered this morning. I never cared for either of these guys personally - so good riddance. They were both bullies.
2 Unidentified - one male and one female - both run over by what looks to be the same car - were they lovers? Holding hands perhaps while they dashed across I-95? We may never know - but the girl has one hell of an ass on her and I swear I can almost make out a faint smile on the face of the guy 'possum! I'm serious!
Let's talk some about 'possums - shall we? I mean you people know me - I'm the magical "Blogging 'Possum" - but what do you REALLY know about 'possums?
Let me guess - you humans know JACK SHIT about us - about the only thing you DO know is we're fun to run over on I-95 - RIGHT?? Admit it will you and I'll have just a LITTLE bit more respect for you humans (but NOT MUCH) You like running over us poor bastards 'cause we're not as messy or as big as dogs, and when your tires go over us it makes a soft, almost pleasing "thud" sound. RIGHT!? You sick bastards!
What do we eat? Any clue?
We eat about ANYTHING - we eat bugs, mice, rats, slugs, worms, cat and dog food, YOUR food, berries - anything! (That's called "omnivorous" dumb hick human)
So there - you learned something today - now learn THIS!:
Last night on I-95:
Susan Logglestone - DEAD - run over by what looks like a 80's model VW of some sort. Susan lived over by my Aunt and I'd see Susan out in her yard tending the chores. She always made sure to bend over at JUST the right time when I was walking by - which always led me to believe Susan Logglestone may have wanted me in some way? Anyway she's DEAD now so never mind.
Rip AND Carl Thundersnap - yep - BOTH of them dead. Off exit 397 on I-95 their bodies were discovered this morning. I never cared for either of these guys personally - so good riddance. They were both bullies.
2 Unidentified - one male and one female - both run over by what looks to be the same car - were they lovers? Holding hands perhaps while they dashed across I-95? We may never know - but the girl has one hell of an ass on her and I swear I can almost make out a faint smile on the face of the guy 'possum! I'm serious!
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Let me guess - you humans know JACK SHIT about us - about the only thing you DO know is we're fun to run over on I-95 - RIGHT?? Admit it will you and I'll have just a LITTLE bit more respect for you humans (but NOT MUCH) You like running over us poor bastards 'cause we're not as messy or as big as dogs, and when your tires go over us it makes a soft, almost pleasing "thud" sound. RIGHT!? You sick bastards!
What do we eat? Any clue?
We eat about ANYTHING - we eat bugs, mice, rats, slugs, worms, cat and dog food, YOUR food, berries - anything! (That's called "omnivorous" dumb hick human)
So there - you learned something today - now learn THIS!:
Last night on I-95:
Susan Logglestone - DEAD - run over by what looks like a 80's model VW of some sort. Susan lived over by my Aunt and I'd see Susan out in her yard tending the chores. She always made sure to bend over at JUST the right time when I was walking by - which always led me to believe Susan Logglestone may have wanted me in some way? Anyway she's DEAD now so never mind.
Rip AND Carl Thundersnap - yep - BOTH of them dead. Off exit 397 on I-95 their bodies were discovered this morning. I never cared for either of these guys personally - so good riddance. They were both bullies.
2 Unidentified - one male and one female - both run over by what looks to be the same car - were they lovers? Holding hands perhaps while they dashed across I-95? We may never know - but the girl has one hell of an ass on her and I swear I can almost make out a faint smile on the face of the guy 'possum! I'm serious!
Happy Jebbah Flossum Day!
Happy Jebbah Flossum Day to all!!!
The humans have concocted (on purpose!) their own little "celebration" of this day - they watch some sort of football game on this day today. Which means they'll be driving a lot - going to the store for food and beer - which means on OUR holiday for 'possums MORE of us will die. This sucks - but what can we do.
We can still celebrate the day in which Jebbah Flossum had a wagon full of white-trash settlers killed back in the day.
I've been drinking hard all day and celebrating - I've been eating some of that special 'possum weed we grow - I'm basically one fucked up 'Possum right now. (No - I will NOT be going near I-95 today! I'd HATE to die on Jebbah Flossum Day - maybe tomorrow - but for sure no I-95 for this stoned/drunk 'Possum!!!!)
Oh and I've been singing - singing all day - the Jebbah Flossum Day song I taught you! Sing along!:
"Ohhhhhhhhhh Jebbah Flossum, one hell of a possum"
They ran over his head, but now they're all dead!
You wanna fuck with a possum, fuck with Jebbah Flossum
You wanna fuck with a possum, fuck with Jebbah Flossum
(repeat x3)
"Ohhhhhhhhhh Jebbah Flossum, one hell of a possum"
They ran over his head, but now they're all dead!
(Everyone claps 3 times here)
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The humans have concocted (on purpose!) their own little "celebration" of this day - they watch some sort of football game on this day today. Which means they'll be driving a lot - going to the store for food and beer - which means on OUR holiday for 'possums MORE of us will die. This sucks - but what can we do.
We can still celebrate the day in which Jebbah Flossum had a wagon full of white-trash settlers killed back in the day.
I've been drinking hard all day and celebrating - I've been eating some of that special 'possum weed we grow - I'm basically one fucked up 'Possum right now. (No - I will NOT be going near I-95 today! I'd HATE to die on Jebbah Flossum Day - maybe tomorrow - but for sure no I-95 for this stoned/drunk 'Possum!!!!)
Oh and I've been singing - singing all day - the Jebbah Flossum Day song I taught you! Sing along!:
"Ohhhhhhhhhh Jebbah Flossum, one hell of a possum"
They ran over his head, but now they're all dead!
You wanna fuck with a possum, fuck with Jebbah Flossum
You wanna fuck with a possum, fuck with Jebbah Flossum
(repeat x3)
"Ohhhhhhhhhh Jebbah Flossum, one hell of a possum"
They ran over his head, but now they're all dead!
(Everyone claps 3 times here)
Somber as we near Jebbah Flossum Day...
Here it is ALMOST Jebbah Flossum Day - February 6th. (If you don't know what the biggest 'Possum holiday in North America is - read the previous post)
As Jebbah Flossum Day approaches - a time where we celebrate the anniversary of a 'Possum actually killing some humans - it is also time for reflection.
Since my announcement in this blog about Jebbah Flossum Day alone, here are the grim statistics:
Ann Forbson - Ann's body was found near I-95 near the 7-11 dumpster exit. Seems to have been a Ford that got her. I'd seen Ann here and there on I-95 - and she was always cordial and kind.
Jacob Robertson - Jacob was an old school chum of mine and he once let me screw his girlfriend one night when he was drunk. Jacob was loved by all but his body was found in a very poor state on I-95 - my guess on this one - a later model Saab.
Richard Culose - I never met the guy but he had TWO wives and 18 children total. This may have been a suicide. He was hit by what looks like a 2000 VW New Beetle - possibly the Turbo edition.
2 Unidentified 'Possums - how can this happen you ask? Because we 'Possums travel far and wide at night - these two bodies are unidentified because they were probably traveling 'Possums from another county or maybe even another state.
That's FIVE of us dead - no...scuse me - MURDERED - since my last post alone.
So we take Jebbah Flossum Day seriously around here. It is customary for the younger 'Possums these days to make the "SF" hand signs (or "gang signs" they call 'em) to celebrate Jebbah Flossum Day.
Many these days have also started putting up small signs that read "WWJFD?" (What Would Jebbah Flossum Do?)
More later....
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As Jebbah Flossum Day approaches - a time where we celebrate the anniversary of a 'Possum actually killing some humans - it is also time for reflection.
Since my announcement in this blog about Jebbah Flossum Day alone, here are the grim statistics:
Ann Forbson - Ann's body was found near I-95 near the 7-11 dumpster exit. Seems to have been a Ford that got her. I'd seen Ann here and there on I-95 - and she was always cordial and kind.
Jacob Robertson - Jacob was an old school chum of mine and he once let me screw his girlfriend one night when he was drunk. Jacob was loved by all but his body was found in a very poor state on I-95 - my guess on this one - a later model Saab.
Richard Culose - I never met the guy but he had TWO wives and 18 children total. This may have been a suicide. He was hit by what looks like a 2000 VW New Beetle - possibly the Turbo edition.
2 Unidentified 'Possums - how can this happen you ask? Because we 'Possums travel far and wide at night - these two bodies are unidentified because they were probably traveling 'Possums from another county or maybe even another state.
That's FIVE of us dead - no...scuse me - MURDERED - since my last post alone.
So we take Jebbah Flossum Day seriously around here. It is customary for the younger 'Possums these days to make the "SF" hand signs (or "gang signs" they call 'em) to celebrate Jebbah Flossum Day.
Many these days have also started putting up small signs that read "WWJFD?" (What Would Jebbah Flossum Do?)
More later....
