The 'Possum Blog The 'Possum Blog

...from the people who bring you The Monkey Cage
No, asshole, we're not "giant rats" - we're American's ONLY Marsupial - Didelphis marsupialis
did you know we have opposable thumbs like you idiot humans!?

A thing or two about women - 'Possum style! 

I may be a possum - and sure you may splatter me with your SUV's on highways and maybe even laugh about it later - but we possums have feelings, we have lives, we have love, we have families, (as do Monkeys!) - and to prove it to you I won't to maybe teach human guys what possum guys have known for ages:

What a woman wants, possum style:

First off, a woman wants to be a "lady" and not a "woman" - a "woman" is someone you don't know who's a female. A LADY is someone you love and cherish. (And a lady doesn't always care to be called a "girl" either - just as many men wouldn't respond well to "boy")

A woman wants us to be strong and able, as well as silly, sweet, romantic, caring, polite, and intelligent - not too much of one, not too little of another. However I think you can throw in a little more of one ingredient and less of the others, up to a point - as long as it's 100% when it's finished.

Strong and able: Women want you to be strong. Don't use that cutsey-whiny baby-talk with her when you're speaking to her in the kitchen - that's from when you were a child with your MOTHER and she's NOT your mother. Be able - don't let your body go to shit, downing that beer until your stomach is so huge and you're fat and disgusting - respect your body and give her a body to be proud of. I work my ass off only about 3 times a week in the gym and I've come to have a body my wife is actually PROUD of and it's all worth it when she tells her friend "Sometimes he'll get undressed and he's 40 and I am just a-fuckin-mazed" (And she thinks I didn't hear her.)

Being "sweet" is way underestimated. Being "sweet" guys, combined with romance - is THE WAY. What is sweetness? It's asking her if you can help her with dinner when she's obviously worked her ass off all day - just like you did. Being sweet is asking her how she's doing, if she's happy, showing a true, genuine interest in her and her feelings. Being sweet is kissing her in public or in front of your friends. It's being proud of her. And not just saying it. Remember important dates and places in your lives together - remember her mother's birthday, remember where you had your first date. Insignificant to us male possums, but NOT to female possums - if it's a big deal to her it SHOULD be a big deal to you - if not - change your priorities.

Being sweet to her can mean simply LISTENING to her - yep it can be THAT easy. You don't even need to fully UNDERSTAND what you're listening to - that's not so important as the fact that you're listening in the first place. We men possums, hell, men in general, are hard-wired to "FIX THINGS" and "HAVE ANSWERS" - with a lady you have to put that hardwiring aside and understand she communicates on a different level, she may need something as simple as a thing called "reassurance". Provide lots of it and provide a huge ear for her to talk to.

Be ROMANTIC. Sure you could run to Wal*Mart and pick up some BS you THINK she'd like - but put a little effort into it - follow her around a little in stores, find out what she likes - you'd be amazed at how easy it is to actually get your wife a WONDERFUL present just because you took NOTE of what shoes she just ADORED in the store when you were with her that day. Sneak back around and BUY IT - put it away, and you'll have a nice gift. Also us Possums (and Monkeys too I hear) actually will keep a tiny list in our wallets - with her shoe size, her dress size, her ring size, favorite color, etc - all written down. That way - when she says "Oh I just LOVE these shoes!" - you can come back in that store like a Ninja later and get a pair - without having to ASK her "Say...what size do you wear!? A dead give away)

NOTE: Her shoe size might not change too much - but her DRESS SIZE DOES AND WILL!!! If asked "What size to you THINK I am?" - say "5 or a 6?" - that always works for the monk...errr...possum!

Be silly guys - we possum men know ladies love to laugh - and if you can make her laugh you have a special thing. Don't be afraid to be silly. Make jokes, don't take yourself OR HER so seriously - lighten up.

When we male possums are young we're all about who can fight the best, who can lift the most, who has bigger muscles, who can run faster. When we start to get in our late 30's and 40's is when we get to really shine with our ladies because it's a time when we KNOW we're men, we're comfortable with the men we have become, we've got nothing to PROVE to ourselves or to other guys anymore, we're not insecure - we know what we can do with our dicks and how to use them effectively - we can take on a whole new dimension when we get to be this age. I've learned when I hit about 40 that I can appreciate BEAUTY more than I ever have before - and I'm still a man! We can do things we wouldn't dream of doing in our earlier years because it might not be "cool" or "macho" - and guess what there's a whole ton of things women do that we suddenly find we can enjoy WITH them! Art - here I am 40 years old and I'm just NOW starting to learn I can REALLY appreciate ART! For an example, WINE, not the stuff with the screw cap, but REAL WINE - I find I am learning to have an appreciation for it. A fine cigar, a fine MEAL cooked at a really upscale restaurant! A lot of women, it seems to me anyway, have always appreciated the finer things in life and so many men, myself included, have always just been oblivious to it in the past and we have to (as always) "catch up" to women in the maturity levels.

Talk to her. TELL HER what makes you happy, tell her what bothers you, tell her you love her, tell her she's beautiful. Tell her you can't live without her because you know it's true not just because you feel you should say it. Is she beautiful to you? TELL HER she is - because you know she's beautiful don't you? TELL HER. We Male possums (And I hear monkeys too) - KNOW that you have to keep talking - that we male possums tend to think "I've said that before - I will not say it again" - how long can a relationship last if you only say things ONCE? Don't end up sorry one day saying to yourself "But I thought she KNEW how I felt about this or that" Tell her often - especially when it comes to your feelings about her.

And when you make love to her - do it man - really DO IT - enjoy every curve of her body, enjoy every angle, touch everything, feel everything, kiss everything, smell her skin, touch her toes, hold her bare feet in your hands, lick her toes, explore - you're sure to find a magical area you've never even noticed before! Put aside your porn fantasies when it comes to her - that's not REAL life dude - it's fun to whack off to but if you start believing it's REAL and expecting your wife to become like a girl you saw in a porn you're in for a sad future. It's ALL her and it's ALL beautiful - sure we dive for the pussy and the tits - but if you take the time to enjoy it all together with the rest of her body you'll be into a whole new world! (And the paybacks will come back to you twofold - trust me)

And most of all when we possums deal with our women possums we respect them and appreciate them. They are works of beauty, sure, they're extremely complex, sure sometimes they can play you (and each other) like cheap fiddles and they seem almost evil, sure they can get moody, just like you can asshole, but all these things rolled into one package is what they are - and put it all together and it's a wondrously beautiful package called a lady. And the sooner you come to learn that's the TRUE beauty of a lady, the better. Respect them for being the sexy, wonderful, beautiful creatures they are and come to appreciate it more. You could smoke a 7-11 Swisher Sweet cigar and you accept it for what it is - you don't enjoy it because you think it's cheap. Slap yourself in the face and start to appreciate beauty more - invest in a more upscale cigar once, take the time to sit down with it in a quiet room, just you and that cigar, smell it, feel it, and then really, REALLY taste it. Do the same with your wife and girlfriend - don't take her for granted, EVER - always know that she is THE BEST because why would you be with anything but the best? And then take her in - all of her - her eyes, her eyebrows - look at how she plucks them - to look pretty - for YOU - and for her - look at the details - look at her shoes - she loves those shoes or she wouldn't wear them. Look at her neck, look at how soft and pretty. Look at the colors she choses to dress in - do you even know WHY she dresses in certain colors - how it makes her feel? Look at her hands. Check out the nail color she uses - enjoy it - you sure enjoy her hand when it's sliding up and down your dick, but have you ever stopped to enjoy her hands other than that? You should do it. Those hands have cooked you meals, they've held you when you needed it, maybe they've raised your children, changed their diapers - and look how pretty they are! Take her in visually. Then when she speaks, don't just "hear" her - no, instead - LISTEN to what she's saying - you'll learn a fuckin' lot if you stop to actually LISTEN to your lady - they'll TELL YOU A LOT if you truly LISTEN and not just hear. Listen to what she talks about - what is she scared of? What are her dreams? What is her idea of a fun evening? There is a lot to learn if you take the time to discover.

And it only gets better. A woman IS a like a fine wine, every DAY that passes it takes on a different flavor. You change, she changes, you don't ever get stuck with "the same woman" your whole life - you instead are connected at the soul through love to this woman, and everything else about her changes over the years and you get to enjoy every change she goes through. Be GLAD she changes so much and you do too! Love her ALWAYS - love her when she is having a tough time getting her diet under control and she's put on a few pounds - support her - she's yours - love her when she's angry at her mother for some reason you can't even begin to comprehend - her heart is your heart. Love her when she's feeling bloated and PMS is kicking her ass and she snaps at you because you keep leaving your bath towel on the back of the toilet. Love her when she's a little ol' frail thing with a head full of gray hair. Love her for giving you the best years of your life, love her for giving you your child or children.

You see, we male possums know a thing or two. Think about that the next time you feel that THUNK sound under your car tires and you see another dead possum in your rear-view mirror. Don't assume hearts aren't broken.


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